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A short sad screenplay by Ed Roman 05/12/98

"The Meeting"


Any production guitar, or corporate made guitar, I don't care what brand, will always suffer from uniformity. The prevailing design engineer has to pre-suppose the end consumers decision about what he or she  wants in a guitar. This creates HUGE problems for many companies. If the designer is real good he can predict what the consumer will want to buy. If he isn't very good he can't predict the consumers needs and the company will crash and burn in flames.

What most of these companies would really like to do, Would be to create their own exclusive product and then force feed it to the poor hapless, unsuspecting, brainwashed consumers.

And Here's How They Do It To You !!!!!!!

Say for example the XYZ guitar company is located in northern Michigan where Ripoff-Wood is plentiful and dirt cheap. It would be in that companies best interest to sell guitars made from Ripoff-Wood. The owners of the XYZ Guitar Company have a meeting to discuss the question. How in the Hell do we get the consumer to want Ripoff-Wood???

Shhhhhh,  We are picking up in the middle of the meeting........

The executive vice president in the Brooks Bros. 3-piece suit is throwing out ideas to the owner, a surly overweight balding man in his 50's with a cigar in his mouth.  There are several other suit & tie bean counter types at the table.

"We could do a TV commercial, or heavily saturate the magazines with ads for Ripoff Wood". 

"Nah, that's way too costly!"

"Well we could run a national campaign to heighten consumer awareness of  Ripoff  Wood".

"No Way, Too complicated & too costly;"

"We could maybe just sell it for a fair price". 

"Hell no!!!!  We wouldn't make any money!!!!!! "

"Hell, first we have to change the name to something romantic sounding like,  Fine Corinthian Onyx Wood. "

"Good Idea!!!!"  That's a smart move, real smart,  did I say smart more than once. excuse me"

"Even if we did all of these things it would just drive the cost of the Ripoff  Wood up anyway. That would defeat our purpose of building guitars from wood that costs us very little. "

"Hey I've got a great Idea!!!  What if we hire, "Vicious Vinnie Van Vaisectomy"  to play our guitars. All the guitar players will want a guitar made out the same wood he uses". 

"Hell we could probably get him for about $50,000.00 and 10 guitars. Plus we could come out with a whole bunch of companion products like Pedals, Strings, Amps,"

"We could even make a special set of tuning pegs that would only be available from us insuring that the other guitar companies will not be able to benefit from just using the RW Onyx wood."

"Yeah, Posters, Hats, Tee Shirts, Mugs, Lunch boxes....  Big money!!"

"Plus Vinnie will love all the free exposure he'll be getting from our advertising its a win win deal. "

"Yeah but doesn't Vicious Vinnie already endorse GIBAPLOP guitars?" 

"No Problemo  just call his manager and offer him more money!!"

"Yeah I'm sure that the Japanese investors will love the idea. "

"If you have to offer the manager a kickback to set up the deal,  do it. "

"We need this guy he's number 1 with a Bullet !! "

"Ok, I'll call his manager and setup the deal."

"Great Idea we'll make Millions; So will our Japanese investors."

"Ok Meeting Adjourned, Lets go get a drink."

3 months later

"Hey Mom, I want an "XYZ Onyx-wood Quad-V Guitar" It's the coolest!!!!"

"Ok Johnny, If your dad says it's OK" 

"Hey dad,  I want an "XYZ Onyx-wood Quad-V guitar" It's the coolest!!!!"

"Ok son, Have you ever heard of that company?" 

"Yeah, they're a new company, but Vicious Vinnie uses em'!!! 
"They must be good otherwise he wouldn't use em'".

Ok Son !!

"Resistance is Futile"

Ed Roman